Courage (Strength Series Book 1) Read online

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

  © 2013 T.L. Nicholas

  All Rights Reserved

  ISBN-13: 978-1484180396

  ISBN-10: 1484180399

  Courage

  Book One of the Strength Series

  T. L. Nicholas

  Acknowledgements

  I would like to thank everyone that has helped me along the way, as well as those who will continue to help me in the future. It would be impossible for me to say just how much your love and support has meant to me.

  Prologue

  The door slams and I am immediately awake. My heart skips as I struggle to control my breathing. In, two, three, four, I count in my head. Out, two, three, four. Slow. Steady. The thunk, thunk of boots on carpet reaches the door and I continue to count each breath to be sure it remains even. I concentrate hard on all my muscles, starting at my face and working my way down to my toes, hoping that I appear to be asleep. I am relaxed, two, three, four. Calm, two, three, four.

  His breath sounds labored and uneven as he enters the room, and I know his sea green eyes are boring into me. I force the fear down into the darkest parts of my mind. He shifts suddenly and I manage to keep my trembling internal, where it can’t be seen.

  Things shuffle on the dresser, then the nightstand by my head. Loose change rattles as he picks my jeans up off the floor, digging through the pockets. He curses under his breath and I see his once handsome face clearly in my mind, scanning the room, seeking anything else of value. The measly fifteen dollars and change he’s found won’t be enough. The closet door opens and there’s more shuffling, scraping. I resume the count that preserves my tenuous hold on sanity. In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four.

  He laughs and a cold chill of dread travels up my spine as I struggle not to squeeze my eyes shut tight, like a child. In, two, three, four. The closet door closes and the thunk, thunk of his heavy boots retreats and fades down the hall. Out, two, three, four. I finally allow my eyelids to squeeze tight, but not soon enough to stop the tears from sliding down my stinging cheeks.

  Chapter One

  The second Bayleigh’s car pulls in, I haul open the front door and throw bags and boxes onto the porch.

  “Whoa, slow down, Alex! You’re going to hurt yourself,” she yells as she runs across the yard and up the stairs, neon green sneakers flashing.

  “I’m fine. We have to hurry. I can’t be here anymore.” I say.

  “I know, babe. We’re going. Just let me do it,” she says as she grabs up two bags and a box at once and heads for the car, blonde ponytail bouncing. I pick up another box and trail behind her.

  “Just get in the car,” she says as she snatches the box from me, throwing it in the backseat. “I’ll get the rest and you can explain on the way.” She looks up and the instant she sees my face, her green eyes widen in shock, then narrow in anger. Shame fills me as tears well up in my eyes and I shake my head. There is no way I can talk about it right now.

  Bay again demands I get in the car, muttering something else under her breath I don’t quite catch, before returning to the porch for the rest of my meager belongings. I walk around to the passenger side and get in the front seat. I feel guilty for letting her do it, but I’m too exhausted to do it myself. Everything hurts, from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet.

  I pull my legs in and fight to get the seat belt buckled. Just as I close my door, the rear door slams shut. God, but I’ve gotten slow lately. The front door opens and Bay drops into the driver’s seat, pulling the door closed behind her. She gives me a questioning look and again I have to shake my head. I’m not ready. Bay sighs in frustration as she starts the car and backs out of the driveway.

  The drive to Bay’s house is long, and the silence stretches. Neither of us is in the mood for music. Mid-summer in Maryland is hot and sticky, and Bay’s fifteen-year-old beater has no air conditioning. The windows are down and I’m trying hard not to acknowledge the side-long glances she keeps throwing my way as she white-knuckles the poor steering wheel to death. I probably look like a wounded puppy.

  Being pitied is the worst feeling there is, but it’s even worse when it’s your best friend doing the pitying. I look over at her tight face and sigh.

  “Knock it off, Bay.”

  “Knock off what, exactly, Lex? Knock off wondering what the fuck happened?” Bay explodes, unable to contain her concern any longer. “You were fine last night. As far as I knew, you were fine. Then you call me and say you and Travis split up and I have to come get you. Okay, fine. Not even unexpected, considering what a dirt bag he’s turned into lately. But then when I get there, you look like this?” Her face is the color of her red nail polish and she’s all but screaming her words at me. “And you expect me not to ask a question? Not going to happen, girl. It’s just not. You owe me some fucking explanations.”

  I lift a hand to my throbbing head. I know where she’s coming from. I know she loves me and I know what I look like right now, but this is so hard. How do you admit to yourself that you’ve completely fucked up your life, let alone admit it to anyone else? But I also know I do owe her. Especially considering what I’m asking of her.

  “He came home high on something. And drunk. Again. He wanted money to get more high and more drunk. I wouldn’t give it to him so he compelled me to give it to him.” I do my best to say it without any emotion. The tears that slip down my cheeks prove I am a failure of epic proportions.

  Bay exhales hard, “Lex. Why didn’t you call me? Or the cops? Mostly the cops? He deserves to get his bitch ass locked up for this.”

  “I know. I know he does, but you know that won’t happen. You know he’s never going to see the inside of a cell. I can’t go through all the shit with his parents and the rest of his family anymore. They’ll end up pressing charges on me again, like they did last time, and go on and on about me being a homeless whore and how he took me in and how wonderful he is and I’m nothing but trouble and ruined their boy. They won’t ever see my side in this. His Daddy won’t let that happen.”

  “I know you’re right, but there has to be somewhere his long arm won’t reach, Lex. And what are you going to do about the baby?” she glances over and her green eyes glisten with concern.

  “I’m going to be his mom. What else would I do?”

  My head snaps forward as she jerks the car to the shoulder, floors the br
akes, and slaps the old car into park. She unbuckles her seat belt and twists sideways in her seat, pulling one leg up in front of her so she can face me.

  “You know this baby is going to tie you to Travis and his family forever. You will never get away from him. You will always have to communicate with him, see him, be frustrated by him. You will always have to wonder if he’s going to lose his temper with his son the way he loses his temper with you. I know you know all this, Lex. What the hell are you thinking?”

  My hand rubs my belly and I feel my son kick. I know her fears are valid, but I can’t help but smile. He’s so strong. We’ve had a really crappy couple of days but here he is, kicking away. I know that Bay is worried about me but she doesn’t understand.

  I take her hand and place it on my stomach. She jumps and pulls her hand away when he kicks it, and I laugh. She slowly puts her hand back and in a moment, she’s laughing too. She leans over in her seat and talks to my belly.

  “So, you’ve finally decided I’m worthy, huh?” she laughs. She sits back up straight and looks me in the eye and her smile fades. Small wrinkles appear on her forehead and her eyes lose their twinkle. “I know you love him, Alex. I know that. But maybe it would be better to find him another family, one that could support him and where Travis wouldn’t have any access to him. Parents who are stable, instead of a mother who has no job and is on the run from his father.”

  When I take a breath to respond she holds a hand up to quiet me. “I know you’ll find a job, Alex, but how long will that take? Who’s going to hire someone that has to go on maternity leave right after? They’ll barely have time to train you. And I’m happy to let you stay with me, but Travis and Jim are going to make my life hell, Lex. Mine and Mike’s. And I’ll take it as long as I can, but I’m afraid Mike’s tolerance will be lower.”

  She’s right about most of it, but I’m going to do better than she thinks. “I can’t give him up, Bay. He’s my world. He’s the reason I’m here. I used to be smart, and I can be again. I will be. I can pull myself out of this, and I’m going to. I know your ability to help me is limited and I accept that. I also appreciate any help that you are able to give. Travis is a bastard and I know I’ve done a really shitty job with my life so far, but I’m going to give Cadan the best life I can.”

  “Cadan? His name is Cadan?” she smiles.

  “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it and that’s his name. Cadan Jonathan Bowers.”

  “It’s a great name, Lex. I just worry. What are you going to do? Now you’re essentially homeless and you’re going to be a single mom at nineteen. I can’t promise how long you can stay with me, no matter how much I wish I could. Is this really where you want to be?” She looks down at her hand; the one Cadan is wildly kicking from inside my belly.

  “It doesn’t much matter where I want to be, does it? Fact is, right here is where I am, so the only option I have is to figure this out. And I better do it quick since Cadan’ll be here in a couple months.” I pull her hand off my stomach and hold it in my own, looking into her worried eyes as a truck goes by and honks it’s horn at us.

  “I know how worried you are, Bay, but someday you’ll get it. I’ve had the shittiest life. I don’t have anyone but you. And you’re awesome, you’re the best, but my mom ditched me, my dad got drunk and ditched me, the rest of my family couldn’t be bothered. Travis – well, we’re not even going to discuss that.”

  “What I mean is, I know what it’s like to not be wanted, to not be loved, to feel like you don’t matter. And Cadan has mattered to me from the very first second I knew. The very first second. I will never let him feel like he doesn’t matter. No matter what else happens to him in his life, he will always know that his mother loves him and wants him. That he matters more than anything else in the world to me. It’s the way it’s going to be. I’ll die before I’ll let it be any other way.”

  I don’t know when I started crying, but she reaches up to wipe a tear from my cheek with her thumb. “Okay,” she says. “Okay.” She twists back the right way, re-buckling her seatbelt.

  “Let’s get going then, girl. You’ve got a lot of straightening out to get to,” she says as we pull back onto the road.

  Chapter Two

  It’s been three weeks since Travis and I split up. That’s the civilized way to put it, and the way I choose to refer to it in my head. The bruises on my cheekbone, chin, forehead, chest, and arms have healed. My black eye is gone and my split lip looks more like the kind you get in the winter when the air is too dry, instead of the kind you get from a bitch slap when you piss your dirt bag boyfriend off.

  I’m trying to find a job but having no luck at all and Bay’s boyfriend, Mike, is getting sick of me hanging around their place. I feel bad every time I hear them fighting over me being here, but since Travis found the money I had stashed the morning I left, I have nothing to contribute. I feel worthless and I’m beginning to doubt I’m going to be able to care for Cadan when I see an advertisement for jobs in New York. That’s an awful long way away, but if I can actually get a job there it will be better than no job here. As a bonus, maybe Travis will leave me alone if I’m that far away.

  I call the number on the ad and leave a message. Then I laugh. What the fuck am I doing? I don’t even have a car. How would I even get there? I don’t even have money for a bus ticket, let alone money to stay anywhere once I got there. I have nothing for the baby. Yep, I’m losing my mind. This must be what they mean by pregnancy brain.

  When the phone rings, I nearly jump out of my skin. I may have screamed, but I’m not going to admit to that. The screen identifies a New York number and I don’t want to answer it. I stare at the phone as if it’s going to attack me. At the last possible second, I force myself to pick it up.

  “Hello?” I sound breathless. Why do I sound breathless?

  “Hi. I’m looking for Alex Bowers?” the smooth male voice on the other end says. He doesn’t sound breathless. He sounds confident. Relaxed even. And I hate him for it.

  “This is Alex.” I try for snooty, because two can play the confidence game, but it sounds like I’m terrified instead. Apparently, I’m not one of the two that can play. Dammit.

  “Great. This is Chance Morris. You just called about the job ad we have running. I’m sorry I missed you, I tried to grab it but I wasn’t quite quick enough.” He laughs, and he doesn’t sound confident anymore. Or he still does, but now he sounds approachable and warm. I picture a man in his forties, running in from another room to grab the phone and not making it.

  The picture in my head is endearing and I find myself relaxing and laughing back.

  “That’s okay. Yes, I called. I was wondering what the job entails. What the pay is, what the requirements are for consideration. The usual I guess, since the ad only says that you’re hiring and willing to train. Actually, I’m almost sure this is a scam.” I joke. Well, actually, I’m serious, but he doesn’t need to know that. Now I’m the one laughing. What the hell? This isn’t me at all.

  “Hey now, this is no scam. What we’re doing is looking for people who are willing to work pretty lousy hours for fairly menial pay. It’s all legit. We’re totally up front about the lousy hours and pay,” he chuckles.

  “If it’s so lousy, why would I move there to do it?” I sit on the arm of the couch.

  “Well first of all, it’s a job, so if you don’t already have one that’s a plus right there. Second of all, we’re willing to train. In fact, we’re looking for people without experience who want to get in at the bottom and work their way up. And third, while it is pretty lousy when you start, there’s lots of room for promotions for anyone who’s willing to work hard and learn. And we have excellent benefits.”

  “Really? Then why aren’t all the positions already filled?” I ask, because if all of this is true I really am confused now.

  “Because in the area of New York we’re in, there has been considerable flood damage in recent years and the company wants to draw new peopl
e in, to lift the area back up,” he answers.

  “So how is bringing a bunch of people with no qualifications and no experience to an area that needs help and paying them low wages while making them work terrible hours going to lift any area up? How bad is it?” The images in my mind resemble third world devastation, and I’m not sure I want that.

  He laughs. A serious belly laugh and I’m offended that he’s laughing at me when I’m serious. I’m about to hang up on him when he takes a deep breath and sighs.

  “You’re exactly what we need here. Make no mistake about that.”

  “You don’t know that. I could be a crack-addicted prostitute. You know nothing about me.”

  “Are you a crack addicted prostitute, Alex Bowers?” The way his voice lowers as he says my name sends an odd shiver down my spine that doesn’t mesh with the image of him in my mind. I know I should hang up, but I don’t.

  “No.”

  “Good. I’m going to come see you next week. We’ll see if this is a good fit,” he says.

  “You’re— You are?” I’ve handled this all wrong and he still wants to interview me?

  “Yes, I am. I assume no one else has come and offered you a job while we’ve been on the phone, so you’re still looking for a job and I’m still hiring. So, I’m going to come see you next week.” He answers. It’s not a question.

  I give him the details and make an excuse for not giving him Bay’s address. She won’t like the idea of me moving so far away, even if it’s only an idea and I’m pretty sure it’s not going to pan out. I also don’t know him, so I think meeting him in a public place is a better idea.

  We agree to meet at the diner up the road next Monday at two o’clock. He writes down my info, and I write down his. I feel certain he won’t show up, what business owner drives that far to interview someone with no qualifications? But I’ll be there just the same.